This summer has been one of the toughest of both my personal and professional lives. It has been composed of being away from my wife and kids for a month, the death of a good friend from camp, and a couple of other things that I’d rather not mention here yet. Add a heaping of self-doubt and I’ve got myself a…difficult summer.

But that’s not to say that the season didn’t have its good points. As always, the time I got to spend with campers and staff was awesome. It was also one of the best summers I’ve had as far as quality and dedication of staff.

I compare this summer to a really good movie. Like the Lord of the Rings trilogy. It is a great series filled with joy, heartache, laughter, sadness, action, and rest. And while it seems that, at times, that you never want it to end there are times that you wish it could be over. Inevitably, however, no matter what you wish for — it will end. It is a sad thing for the end to come but you find solace in the fact that it was a happy ending.

That is where I am now. The season is coming to an end and there is nothing I can do to change that. As with a couple of other things connected to that — I am a conflicted man (and probably will be for the near future). I am watching the ship sail out and wondering what adventures await me as I stand on shore. I know they shall be grand adventures, but I sometimes wonder what the people on that ship will experience.

So the current adventure is over. After watching the ship sail into the west and the sunset, I find myself wiping away the tears of sadness, turning around and walking to the new sunrise that I know will be approaching after a while. It just means a bit of traveling and wandering through the nighttime.

ad astra per aspera — “a rough road leads to the stars”
“not all who wander are lost” — J.R.R Tolkien

And yes, I do realize that not more than a month ago I was cheering on the snow as it fell.

But it’s 14 days until spring — and that realization plus the nice weather now after so many days of…of…not niceness — has made me want to cheer on the sun, the spring, and the summer!

Bring it on!

Today was one of those days, of course. It was a wonderful 10 hours of driving. I saw Vasquez Rocks first (see post before this one) and the just drove north into the mountains. After drinking in the mountains I drove through a huge valley for a while before hitting mountains again and heading back to L.A. All in all an outstanding day – even had a chance to see a movie!

Now…if I can just get some solid sleep on my red-eye flight, I’ll be in great shape for heading straight vack to work when I land!

I think that kids don’t quite understand what is going on around them — but I firmly believe that they *absorb* the emotion from around them. So, for example, if there is the feeling of anger around them — even unspoken — the child can take that anger on. They’re not equipped to deal with it in any way other than crying or becoming “angry” or something similar themselves. Not to say this always happens, but I really think it can. I also happen to believe that my children got my sense of empathy. (Believe it or not, I do get emotional…just stays inside until I feel it is okay to let go of it. But I do cry pretty easily for a “guy”…but there’s nothing wrong with it!

So…when you combine the absorption of emotions with a lot of travelling, late hours, short/no naps, and simply not being at home, that can make for a fun evening.

But then you sit back and watch them sleep afterwards (if you’re not already deep asleep yourself) and smile because you love them.

ad astra per aspera
(A rough road leads to the stars)
from the Apollo 1 Memorial

 

It may be the end of the day on September 11, but I thought it only fitting that my devotion today be the word remembrance.

In my 28 years, I have been around for a few major events in the United States and the world. The Challenger and Columbia shuttle accidents…countless bombings…Desert Shield/Storm…September 11, 2001…the Iraq War. And those are just the ones I can think of at this time of day.

I thank my God every time I remember you. — Philippians 1:3

The rest of the passage goes on to explain Paul’s thanksgiving about the Philippians’ response to the gospel. But today, as with most occasions that bring up memories of the tragic events of the past…I thank God for everything I’ve experienced through Him — and the people, Christian and otherwise, who He has let me meet…who He has allowed me to befriend.

I found out a while after the World Trade Center destruction about the death of my friend, Alok Mehta. I had not talked to Alok in a little over five years, since we graduated high school together…but seeing his name on the list of those who perished made it real. I have a pretty weird gift of empathy when it comes to reactions to events like this, but this was different. “It made it more real,” as people say.

So…my way of remembering is in my actions. It’s in the good memories that I hold. And in the pictures I save. So…in remembrance, here are a few photos from the space program disasters (some from my lifetime, some not), as well as some from the 9/11 attacks. All photos are courtesy of NASA except for the final one.

 

Some people might think that after four years of marraige, and almost eleven months of fatherhood would make a man want some solitude — even for a few minutes. I thought so, too…until now.

Sarah, Josiah, and I flew down to Alabama last week for one of our friend’s weddings over the weekend. Sarah and Josiah are staying there to visit some family (instead of flying down there again this summer) for another week and a half — and I flew back late Sunday night.

Did I mention that the house is empty?

I went upstairs yesterday to look at Josiah’s room. It just didn’t seem right to see the bed empty, to see the toys not played with — and not to hear him crawling and sort-of-walking around the room exploring.

I continue to be astounded at how blessed I am — every second of every day — to have a wonderful wife and son who make me smile, and glad to be where I am. Sometimes only when those things are temporarily missed does one realize exactly what joys they bring. I have always thanked God for these two special ones that He has brought into my life, and now pray for their safe return.

So, in addition to the “countdown to camp,” I have a countdown to my family’s return — 9 days!

And just to give everyone a treat, here are a couple of pictures of Josiah at his fake 1st birthday party (we had it since all the extended family won’t be up in Massachusetts for his real 1st birthday!)

Today, for example, was a day full of smiles. I saw my son smile (goofy smile, of course) for five minutes straight just because I was making some silly noises while holding him. When walking from my house to the camp office, two campers came up to me, smiling, to tell me about a funny story a counselor had told them.

So — the moral of this story — are you having a bad day? Look at the children around you.

I found this picture on nasa.gov. It’s a photograph taken of a sunset on Mars.

Today was my last day as Camp Director of Camp Seale Harris. I have been at CSH for over half of my life…as camper, as counselor-in-training, counselor, adventure director, and, finally, for the past three and a half years, as camp director. The camp, no matter its location, has been my home for 15 or 16 years.

I’ve come to realize that, because of diabetes, I have avoided being that just-under-30something-yearold nerd who plays D&D on the computer in his parents’ basement. I’ve grown into a (semi-)responsible person who has traveled across the country and world, and learned along the way, because of a disease that so many people treat as “the end of the world.”

Diabetes is a part of me. I have, through the grace of God, taken it and made it something that encourages my growth in life rather than hinder it. Because of it and His grace, I am able to provide an environment where my wife and soon-to-be-son will, along with myself, grow spiritually as well as professionally.

So I’ve ended an era in my life. It is scary, but taking the next step…beginning the next era…is one of the most exciting things I have ever done. And I won’t be alone. With God, Sarah, and Josiah, great things are just around the corner.