On this day, May 22, 1990, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I am 32, and have lived 21 of those with diabetes.

While I would never wish diabetes on anyone else, I celebrate this day. I’m a person who doesn’t like it (I don’t get angry, just don’t like it) when someone says “I wish you never had to go through that” or “I wish I could take it away from you.” My perspective on diabetes is that…I’ve been blessed with it.

Other than a wonderful addiction to Diet Mountain Dew (best drink on Earth), many things in my life are direct result of having diabetes…my wife , kids, confidence, sense of “wandering with a purpose,” hundreds of friendships with others with diabetes, a career where I get to work and play with both a part of the job description, a shared bond of diabetes with my sister – and did I mention the introduction to the wonderful beverage of Diet Mt. Dew? I don’t believe in coincidence, and as a Christian, I don’t think that God gives anything that we cannot handle. Diabetes is something that I have handled, and continue to handle, and use as a gift. This doesn’t mean I don’t have my bad days…my “burnout” days. But those days are outnumbered 100 to 1 by the good days. Not too bad to me when I imagine the unhealthy person I could have been without diabetes, or life without Sarah (who I don’t believe I would have met without diabetes) and, as a result, Josiah and Susan. I wouldn’t trade those things away.

So I’m looking forward to another 21 years…and much more. In celebration, I plan on having…Diet Mt. Dew. Maybe even a couple. Hey, why change a good thing?

Honor is defined as (and I’m only using some of the definitions, mind you):

Honor:
As a noun
1. Privilege
2. One whose worth brings respect
3. An evidence of symbol of distinction
4. A keen sense of ethical conduct or integrity
As a verb
1. To regard or treat with with admiration and respect
2. To give special recognition to

There are many people that I classify as “honorable people.” These are people who, for one or more of the reasons above, are memorable in many ways to me. I strive every day to live up to Romans 12:10 – “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” I must strive to be honorable – not to be honored. I think that I forget about that at times. We must “desire to live honorably in every way” (Hebrews 13:18).

As I find peace and comfort in discipline and structure – “He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.” While being honored isn’t my goal, the blessing that can be shown to my family by being disciplined in my life – spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially, and more – is a goal I should always strive towards. I find that I sometimes need “corrections” in some of my prime earthly areas – doing my daily devotionals, keeping my family’s finances in check (and watching my spending), emotionally investing in my children (not just physical presence) – and if I don’t “listen” to God when he corrects me or gives me guidance, whether that is in my devotionals, through my wife, or something else, than I am doomed.

If I need it in my earthly life, God will honor me on Earth – otherwise, my goal, job, and mission is to be honorable so others can know Him and hopefully see His example.

One month ago today my job ended at The Barton Center.  For three-and-a-half years as the Camp Joslin Director, and two with all the camps, it was my home.  Both literally and figuratively.  Working there one minute, and not the next was a very confusing, emotional parting at first…which then downgraded into just plain emotional.  And while the rational part of me has now accepted that (and believes it to be the best thing for me), there are still those occasional “please leave me alone” emotional spots.  I’ve crossed through that event horizon from one world into another (imagine the “Stargate” television series, walking through the gate…or rather being pushed through it).  As the website title (not to mention the post title) implies, I have often thought of myself as a wanderer with a purpose.  I usually have a pretty good sense of direction.  And only at a few times now do I find myself thinking I’m lost…wandering aimlessly…instead of wandering with a goal in mind.

As I was thinking tonight about the past month I took a look at my blog post from March 20, 2005, when I left my hospital lab job and my home camp, Camp Seale Harris, in Alabama.  While I wasn’t at Camp Joslin, Clara Barton Camp, or the Day Camps for 15 years like I was at CSH, they have all been homes for me.  They have all allowed me to actually enjoy my work for the majority of the time, which is more than some people can say about their careers/jobs.  They all allowed diabetes to be a part of my work, and not just a part of who I was at that time.

I quote from my blog post in 2005 — “Because of it [my diabetes] and His grace, I am able to provide an environment where my wife and soon-to-be-son will, along with myself, grow spiritually as well as professionally.”  And you know what?  I believe that all of that happened.  I even got a daughter out of it, as well. 

So…another era of my life has ended.  As with the last one, it is scary.  But when I’m not in one of my now-occasional emotional points, I am excited about the unknown next step.  I (now) truly hope that I will still be in diabetes camping but that is up to God’s guidance and my perserverance and patience.

I’d be foolish and a liar if I told you that I wasn’t also thinking about the people that I have been blessed and honored to meet over the last five plus years through these camps.  I’ve shared quite a few laughs, tears and serious moments with quite a few people.  But I think I’ll save that for another evening’s post…

So until then, good night all.  I think I may have rambled enough for tonight…Happy Thanksgiving!

This summer has been one of the toughest of both my personal and professional lives. It has been composed of being away from my wife and kids for a month, the death of a good friend from camp, and a couple of other things that I’d rather not mention here yet. Add a heaping of self-doubt and I’ve got myself a…difficult summer.

But that’s not to say that the season didn’t have its good points. As always, the time I got to spend with campers and staff was awesome. It was also one of the best summers I’ve had as far as quality and dedication of staff.

I compare this summer to a really good movie. Like the Lord of the Rings trilogy. It is a great series filled with joy, heartache, laughter, sadness, action, and rest. And while it seems that, at times, that you never want it to end there are times that you wish it could be over. Inevitably, however, no matter what you wish for — it will end. It is a sad thing for the end to come but you find solace in the fact that it was a happy ending.

That is where I am now. The season is coming to an end and there is nothing I can do to change that. As with a couple of other things connected to that — I am a conflicted man (and probably will be for the near future). I am watching the ship sail out and wondering what adventures await me as I stand on shore. I know they shall be grand adventures, but I sometimes wonder what the people on that ship will experience.

So the current adventure is over. After watching the ship sail into the west and the sunset, I find myself wiping away the tears of sadness, turning around and walking to the new sunrise that I know will be approaching after a while. It just means a bit of traveling and wandering through the nighttime.

ad astra per aspera — “a rough road leads to the stars”
“not all who wander are lost” — J.R.R Tolkien

And yes, I do realize that not more than a month ago I was cheering on the snow as it fell.

But it’s 14 days until spring — and that realization plus the nice weather now after so many days of…of…not niceness — has made me want to cheer on the sun, the spring, and the summer!

Bring it on!

Today was one of those days, of course. It was a wonderful 10 hours of driving. I saw Vasquez Rocks first (see post before this one) and the just drove north into the mountains. After drinking in the mountains I drove through a huge valley for a while before hitting mountains again and heading back to L.A. All in all an outstanding day – even had a chance to see a movie!

Now…if I can just get some solid sleep on my red-eye flight, I’ll be in great shape for heading straight vack to work when I land!

I think that kids don’t quite understand what is going on around them — but I firmly believe that they *absorb* the emotion from around them. So, for example, if there is the feeling of anger around them — even unspoken — the child can take that anger on. They’re not equipped to deal with it in any way other than crying or becoming “angry” or something similar themselves. Not to say this always happens, but I really think it can. I also happen to believe that my children got my sense of empathy. (Believe it or not, I do get emotional…just stays inside until I feel it is okay to let go of it. But I do cry pretty easily for a “guy”…but there’s nothing wrong with it!

So…when you combine the absorption of emotions with a lot of travelling, late hours, short/no naps, and simply not being at home, that can make for a fun evening.

But then you sit back and watch them sleep afterwards (if you’re not already deep asleep yourself) and smile because you love them.

ad astra per aspera
(A rough road leads to the stars)
from the Apollo 1 Memorial

 

It may be the end of the day on September 11, but I thought it only fitting that my devotion today be the word remembrance.

In my 28 years, I have been around for a few major events in the United States and the world. The Challenger and Columbia shuttle accidents…countless bombings…Desert Shield/Storm…September 11, 2001…the Iraq War. And those are just the ones I can think of at this time of day.

I thank my God every time I remember you. — Philippians 1:3

The rest of the passage goes on to explain Paul’s thanksgiving about the Philippians’ response to the gospel. But today, as with most occasions that bring up memories of the tragic events of the past…I thank God for everything I’ve experienced through Him — and the people, Christian and otherwise, who He has let me meet…who He has allowed me to befriend.

I found out a while after the World Trade Center destruction about the death of my friend, Alok Mehta. I had not talked to Alok in a little over five years, since we graduated high school together…but seeing his name on the list of those who perished made it real. I have a pretty weird gift of empathy when it comes to reactions to events like this, but this was different. “It made it more real,” as people say.

So…my way of remembering is in my actions. It’s in the good memories that I hold. And in the pictures I save. So…in remembrance, here are a few photos from the space program disasters (some from my lifetime, some not), as well as some from the 9/11 attacks. All photos are courtesy of NASA except for the final one.

 

Some people might think that after four years of marraige, and almost eleven months of fatherhood would make a man want some solitude — even for a few minutes. I thought so, too…until now.

Sarah, Josiah, and I flew down to Alabama last week for one of our friend’s weddings over the weekend. Sarah and Josiah are staying there to visit some family (instead of flying down there again this summer) for another week and a half — and I flew back late Sunday night.

Did I mention that the house is empty?

I went upstairs yesterday to look at Josiah’s room. It just didn’t seem right to see the bed empty, to see the toys not played with — and not to hear him crawling and sort-of-walking around the room exploring.

I continue to be astounded at how blessed I am — every second of every day — to have a wonderful wife and son who make me smile, and glad to be where I am. Sometimes only when those things are temporarily missed does one realize exactly what joys they bring. I have always thanked God for these two special ones that He has brought into my life, and now pray for their safe return.

So, in addition to the “countdown to camp,” I have a countdown to my family’s return — 9 days!

And just to give everyone a treat, here are a couple of pictures of Josiah at his fake 1st birthday party (we had it since all the extended family won’t be up in Massachusetts for his real 1st birthday!)